So whats happened in the last couple of months?

Well the simple answer is not much but in truth quite a lot, besides work commitments, which I'm not going to bore you all with. I work in a bingo hall, its bingo, simples. Leave it at that.

Hair! I have some again. Yea I know, not much of a biggy you might think, but for the last few years I have shaved the lot off every few weeks, I've finally got fed up with the convict look, so I'm going back to the real me, growing a Lemmy beard, which is driving me nuts, I recon sometime I might get used to it but I doubt it, and the stuff that grows on the top of my head? well that's just a bloody mess, spiky and flat, curly and straight all at the same time. Honestly its like a whole bunch of living live wires up there!

My mothers been in hospital, quite a worrying time, but shes home again now, and doing well, fingers crossed she recovers just fine, but I don't know for sure, that's ongoing so less said the better.

Christine, my Merc, is in for an MOT and a bit of work, fingers crossed she will be fine too, better be, i look after her fairly well, feed her, drive her, love her, hehehehe I might just treat her to a nice wax polish if she doesn't cost me too much money, no matter where life takes me or who I meet she is my constant faithful companion, bit like a dog, but less messy, we have no secrets.

Boaty MacBoaty! now that was a day out, I have a couple of friends who have their own houseboat, stupidly great big thing it is, 70 foot long ten foot wide and a bit of a handful. No big deal you might think, but the biggest boat I'd ever driven in my life was a rowing boat no more than five feet long. Anyways on this day the weather was perfect, sun shining, no wind, just a glorious sunny day, we cast off and heads off up the river (I'm not going to mention where, its my semi private get away, perhaps in time I will reveal all) ten minutes into the trip, I get to drive! oh boy was that an eye opener. For whatever reason, it felt natural, felt like I had done it before, no qualms with doing anything, turning round, reversing, doing figure eights, easy peasy. I felt at home! End of the day we had to get this boat into a gap with 2 and a half feet to spare on each end, I expected to crash several times, but no just slid in as pretty as you please, no qualms, no do overs, nothing, just quietly drove in and moored. Fantastic day, cant wait to do it again, unfortunately Boaty is broken at the minute.

Now the more serious part, as is covered in a previous chapter I'm on happy pills for depression. Have been for a couple of years now, they are easy things to take, one a day in the mornings, no big problem, the problem is getting off them. That is precisely what I'm doing, getting off them, I'm treating it just like any other addiction, cut down fairly slowly then just stop completely. Well its going to happen quicker than that, I've got about a weeks worth of smaller dosage ones, then its cold turkey. To put it frankly I'm scared, scared of what my mind will do, scared of going so far down again that there is no recovery. I have to keep thinking to myself that the state of mind is only temporary, that the chemical imbalance in my brain will equalise itself with time. I'm not going to hide the fact that the next few weeks or months is going to be a walk in the park it isn't, there's going to be lots of shit happening. The smallest thing may cause a mood swing, the slightest wrong word may cause a temper fit. 

I'm going to look on it as I do the rest of my life, one step further along the road, one more adventure to get through, maybe not the best adventure, but none the less an adventure. Damn I love adventures! Be it driving a boat, driving my car fast, a dirty woman or getting on a bike and going for a ride, life is too damn short to be anything but an adventure. 

Righty ho my fellow pirates and adventurers, that's me done for the night, see you all on the flip side very shortly, may all your dreams come true and your enemies be vanquished forever.

Gaz xxx

I keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason, one day I may grasp what that reason is, but for now I am happy with the confusion, the tears and the struggle of it all.......