FISHING
Fishing! its a funny old game, I'm not talking about fish, you understand I'm talking about the other type of fishing. The fishing, where the fish walk amongst all of us, we all put out different lures to catch what we hope will be a good fish, some times we are lucky and we hook the right one straight away and that's it for life, that's what I call lucky!
Others may cast a few lines, catch some tasty tit bits but ultimately return them to the sea, that's nature working as it should, if the fish is not up to scratch then back they go into the ocean. Still more will spend years casting lines out and reeling in those tasty morsels that remind us what life is like, the adventurous ones that party all weekend, then meet life head on during the week, sleep for a day or two then party all over again. Ones that like the home life, a nice glass of wine and nibbles in front of the TV, a good film and snuggles on the settee. Some just like to bring into the world other fish, somebody has to keep the sea stocked, right?
I've got to admit, my fishing is rubbish! perhaps I'm using the wrong bate or the wrong line or I'm just wrong at fishing! no matter, my lines are all fouled up, I tend to attract the fish that have already been caught! the bored fish, with nothing to do during the day, or the ones that would like a taste of the bait now and again without nibbling on the hook, just a dabble now and again without any thought for long term.
I've just about given up, I cast the line out now only rarely, its much easier to bite on other lines, get reeled in and if I don't like what I find then jumping back in the sea is always an option. That's not strictly true though, the older I get the less my fishing options, or that's how it seems, it pains me sometimes to see other fishes being content with their lot, reeling in that catch of a lifetime, getting on with each other like Spam and Cheese.
I live in hope though, one day my true fish will take that nibble of bait, get hooked and not be worthy of casting off, one day, maybe not anytime soon but one day.....until then, if it happens at all, I am happy with my lot in life.
The above diatribe has nothing at all to do with why I started writing tonight! I was feeling a bit shit about myself, a bit down about the world, just a bit down in general, a bit tired, a bit mugged off about everything really. I've lots of things to be happy about, that's a lie, not a lot is in my world at the minute to be happy about.
See I met a fish that was dressed in wolf's clothing, the bait was good, very very good, the hook slowly, ever so slowly wormed its way in until, this fish was well and truly caught. Then the wolf's clothing started to fall off, I should have listened to my inner self, listened to the part of me that shouted, noooooooooooooo!
Did I do that? like buggery I did, the bait was just too good, see this fish knew how to lie, to lie and deceive very well indeed, to the point where everything this fish said was a lie, a lie that the fish believed herself. I fell for it, hook line and lie.
Thinking the fish was being honest I believed that everything she said was true, the part about her marriage being over, the part about her husband not living with her anymore, the part where she said that being separated was just that, separated. Turns out the whole lot was a lie, all of it.
A very very angry husband turned up at my door. I would have been angry too, very bloody angry.
My faith in fish has been torn to shreds, my confidence has taken a very very good beating, not only has my heart been broken but I'm angry that I was taken in and used like a very gullible fish (which I was).
After that life has changed for me, it has no purpose anymore, no real meaning, how can I believe that things happen for a reason? With a fish like that about the reason is very obscure. So obscure that I don't think there is a reason, there is no reason for one fish to treat another fish like that, not one that I can find, anyway.
Everything happens for a reason.....
Does it? I'm beginning to think not, how can things possibly happen for a reason? There is no rime or reason for anything, the whole world is built on random! Its a random world, it just has to be, is there a reason I no longer care about the direction of my life? I pay my rent when I should, but that's only so I don't live on the streets, that I don't want to do, but does it matter? Is the homeless guy I see everyday happy with his lot in life? Oddly I think that he is. Why would he be happy doing what he's doing? Would I be? I doubt it, but then I'm not happy right now at all, so what am I going to do?
Cast the line out again, that's what, pick my sorry for myself arse off of the floor, dust myself down, stop thinking too much and get on with life, oh and every now and then, just take time out to write a few words or a paragraph or a chapter, just to keep myself on the level.....
