22nd December 2014 part one

It started just like any other day would for anybody, get up take a leak, pop the kettle on for a coffee, bumble about waking up, you know how it is, I'm sure. Kathy was out so the house was pretty quiet. Just the four cats roaming about or sleeping, just doing what cats do.

I'm writing about the events of today purely out of memory, some parts stick out clear as day other bits not so much.

Mid afternoon Kathy came home, we started to chat about money for Christmas and how we were going to divvy up the few quid we had. Kathy was in charge of the finances and had been right from the very start some 14 years ago. As you can imagine things soon turned into an argument, instead of sorting things out so we both had an equal amount of spends, Kathy insisted we didn't have any. I'm not stupid enough to not keep an eye on things, I knew we had money, not much but some.

Not that I knew it at the time but Kathy had been using a pshycological technique on me called gaslighting. If you don't know what this technique is its available to read on Wikipedia.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

Confusion reined supreme in my mind, I didnt know if I was right or she was right, I had no idea what was going on, no incling what so ever of the events that were soon to follow. We were at the top of the stairs shouting and screaming at each other. (Kathy later admitted that she was very close to pushing me down the stairs. If youve ever met her you will know she is quite capable of doing so.) I eventualy just blurted out that I wanted a divorce. Strange thing to say at the time because, with how my mind was working at the time I was HAPPY  with things.

By this time we had managed to find ourselves down stairs still arguing and things were not getting any better, I could see that she was getting more and more angry with me. I was being stubborn, I knew she was lying to me about the christmas finances, but the devil inside of me just could not stop. Things came to a head eventualy she flew at me with fists raised, I took a step backwards into the kitchen and slammed the door in her face, her fist came completely through the door. 

I think that shocked us both. It certainly did me. She opened the door, looked at me, I looked at her, we didnt say a word to each other, she snorted and walked out the back door slamming it after her, I retreated to my bedroom.

An hour or so later I got a phone call from her saying she could no longer live how we were living. She asked me to get out of the house, then told me to get out of the house. With my head firmly buried in the sand I refused, I still thought at this time we could fix things up. I couldnt see that once again we hated each other.

After years of mental abuse from Kathy, my mind was working in a very very strange way, I was thinking to myself that this is normal, it will blow over and things will be ok again. I know now that things were not normal, far from it. Hindsight is a wonderfull thing.

 She phoned me again, asking, no telling me to get out the house, again I refused. She asked me if I wanted the house. I said no, she then said she was going to the police to get me removed from the house, she put the phone down at this point. 

I have a guardian angel, for the purposes of this account I will call her Angel, because she is.

Arround five that night Kathy and Angel turned up, they parked up outside the house in Angels car and just sat there, next to turn up was a police car. I knew what was coming, I took a deep breath and just accepted it.

Moving to my bedroom i popped on a pair of shoes and a jacket grabbed my cigs and headed downstairs. I felt like a condemned man on death row, that walk downstairs was and remains the longest walk of my life, time meant nothing, everything seemed to be in slow motion. I was very calm, very collected. Shock perhaps? I have no idea.

After what seemed hours, but in reality was probably only a few seconds, I walked into the living room. There in the middle of the room was a police officer and Kathy stood near the kitchen door. The police said something, I didnt catch all of it but I do recall the words "danger to Kathy" and "escort out the house". I walked towards the kitchen past Kathy, she said (I remember plain as day) "I'm sorry Gaz". I dont remember what I said back, although I did say something. Walking into the kitchen I could see the back door open, with another police outside. I headed for it, again that walk seemed to take forever. 

Finally I managed it, I got to the back door, I stopped, took a deep breath, not looking back, I stepped through and into the next chapter of my life.

To be continued..........