Sterilisation

We never had a good sex life, sure before we got married it was reasonably ok but after our wedding day it died, a quick death, that was on the honeymoon. We spent two weeks in Kent, god it was boring! We made love a grand total of 3 times. Having never been on a honeymoon before I think that reading books most of the time is not how it should be. I should have known then that things would not turn out good, but like the idiot that I am, the thought never entered my head. More about our wedding day and party in another chapter.

Kathy already had a son, Damian, when we first met, he was 7 years old, when we split he, would be around 20 years old, give or take a year or two. I helped bring him up, I needn't have bothered. When we parted ways I became a leper to him, like some bad thorn in his side, I've seen and spoke to him once since that day. Damian's real dad died when he was 18 years old. Again that is going to be in another chapter, two funerals and the coincidences. I'm reasonably certain that Kathy poisoned him against me, I have no idea what she did, but I became just a bad smell to him.

We discussed having children on a few occasions, it was a simple easy conversation, she wasn't going to have any more babies end of discussion. Being completely honest with myself I have never really wanted children, I don't know why, perhaps its the way I was brought up or maybe its because I've never met the right woman, I don't have a problem with kids, they are the future, I do however have a problem with Fathers Day, its a horrible nasty day, one best left alone if I can avoid it, which is pretty much impossible. I have made the mistake of going on Facebook on fathers day, the messages to those lucky dads make me cry.

I can never ever get my head around why dads abandon their children, I just don't understand why they do it. Why would you not want to be in your child's life? Its completely crazy! Why would you not want to see them grow up? Why would you not want to steer your own child into the best possible life they could have? Why would you not want to hear a life you've created calling you DAD! I don't get it, not one little bit. Sure I know that parents split up, but if that's the case why abandon the kids too? They are not to blame, so why abandon them? Honestly some men, just get my goat!

Some years down the line now and Kathy brings up the subject of coming off the pill, she had been on it from before we got together, I don't really understand how these things work, but I believe being on the pill a long time can be bad for a woman. We discussed other options. Condoms? Nope she didn't like them, Coil? nope she didn't like the idea of that. Getting her tubes tied? That got her mad! Kathy was adamant that she was not having her tubes tied, but one way or another she was going to come off the pill.

That left one option, a Vasectomy. 

I thought about it for a long time, well if you call a few months a long time, while I was thinking about it, It was a big decision for me, she kept pushing for me to have it done, kept saying we would be together for the rest of our lives, saying that we were not going to have kids anyway so I might as well have it done, it would be best for both of us in the long run. Eventually she convinced me that it was the best option. It was like a broken record, day after day after day, non stop for weeks.

Now normally, when I had to go to the doctors she would not come with me, but this time however was different, she knew I would be lying to a doctor, I knew it too. I know now she came with me to make sure that I went through with it. I was utterly convinced this Vasectomy would be good for us both.

Going in to see the doctor, I told him what we wanted and why, Kathy didn't say a word. The doctor asked if I had had children. I lied, I sat on that chair in a doctors surgery and lied to him! I told him that Damien was mine, I told him the reasons why I wanted a Vasectomy. After I told him, he looked at Kathy, she just nodded, she didn't in that whole time say anything. The doctor, agreed to it, he said I would get a letter through the post, with an appointment and instructions about how to prepare myself.

How do you prepare for a Vasectomy? Its easy, you have to have a shave! now before this time I had never shaved my bits before, this was a first, I'm not going to go into gory detail but suffice to say I nearly saved the doc from doing his job, it was a blood bath! Got to admit though that after the shave I liked the feeling, to this day I still shave down below, and yes, sometimes its still a blood bath, clumsy great oaf with a razor that I am.

The allotted day and time arrived. I'm venturing into the unknown now, so I'm a little bit scared and a whole lot nervous, big huge butterflies in my belly, I'm going to let someone loose with a knife around my bits! what if he slips and they come off in his hand! Scarred for life!

Sat outside the doctors surgery with Kathy, we don't say a word to each other, I'm alone with my thoughts. The nurse comes out to fetch me, now this is not the best looking nurse in he whole world, dressed in a green gown, this nurse has a moustache! Got to admit I was expecting a female nurse, why I don't know. He calls me over and both me and Kathy step into the surgery room. I'm directed into another room, told to get undressed and put a gown on. 

My mind has stopped thinking, I'm resigned to my fate now, I get undressed and just before putting the gown on I say goodbye to my junk, you never know, we may not be attached much longer. I put the gown on and step back out of the room. For the first time I get to meet the surgeon.

I nearly shit myself! This doctor is huge! Hes darker than the ace of spades, eight foot tall and just as wide and hes got the worlds biggest grin on his face! hes going to enjoy this far more than I am, and we both know it. He mumbles some words at me, I don't know what he said, probably something about the procedure that's to follow, I'm too busy trying not to crap myself to listen properly.

He directs me over to one of those surgical bed things they use, you know the ones right? I lay on it and open my gown, I just look straight up at the ceiling. I cant remember if they use anaesthetic or not, either way it doesn't matter much. 

I'm laid on this bed staring at the ceiling, this huge doctor is one side, the moustached nurse the other, scared to death, trying not to crap myself and the doctor starts to paint my junk with some form of brown liquid. The stuff is warm and it feels really nice, and I do mean nice, this isn't supposed to be a sexual experience, but it could so very easily end up one! It drives me nuts! I end up with a mantra going in my head, don't get an erection, please don't get an erection, please dear god don't get an erection!

Thankfully I don't, I hate to think what would have happened if I had! to this day the thought of that makes me shudder. Whats coming next? The surgeon thankfully puts down that paint brush and picks up a scalpel, I see it in his hand this tiny, tiny, little knife, in a huge great paw, all thoughts of an erection leave me, I'm straight back to not crapping myself. He moves his hand down and does something, I don't know what but I don't feel a thing.

Now this surgeon and nurse must really have been enjoying themselves, the surgeon stops what hes doing and invites Kathy through to watch. She must have not heard the first time he asked, he asks her again. She comes into the room and stands next to the nurse. The surgeon looks at me and says "you don't mind, do you?" I reply no I don't mind, but I'm really thinking, great lets invite more people, lets make it a proper party at my expense!

 The surgeon, goes back to doing his thing, I have no idea how long the procedure took, after seeing parts of my anatomy being removed, (a tube about three inches long) I lost interest. I moved my head to the left and could see out a window, that was it, my mind was off out the window, to play in the sunshine, to listen to the birds singing.

Back to reality, I hear "All done, you can get dressed again now". I didn't need telling twice, I was off that bed in a shot, getting dressed real quick, I wanted to get out of that surgery. The surgeon had other ideas, he started babbling about what had to happen next, something about clearing the pipes out and taking two sperm samples into the surgery to make sure the operation had worked. 

That was it, job done, tubes tied, no children for me. Kathy could come off the pill, which she did, right up until we split up.

We split up a few years later, after we did so, Kathy got straight back on the pill, that pissed me off, instead of having a hysterectomy she convinced me that I had to get the snip, they're was no two ways about it, I was having the snip end of. To round things off early last year she fell pregnant. When I learnt that, I couldn't help it, it grew from a small ball in my belly to this huge monster that had to be released. I laughed! I laughed until I cried, I laughed so hard it hurt, if laughter could kill I would have died ten times over.

As things would have it, she lost her baby, I felt for her on that one, I genuinely felt sorrow for her and that lost baby.......