A Ramble, Part One

Sometimes just focusing on the bad things in life has a way of making things worse, its a downward spiral, I don't mean the big things that are happening in the world, the ones that I don't have any control over, I'm talking about the little things, the things that it is possible to change, the things that make life bearable. For this part I'm going to have a ramble about the good things that have happened over the last couple of years.

I've had very few ambitions in life, one was to ride a horse in the Grand National, that went out the window at a very early age, I'm 6 foot tall and weigh more than I should, so it would be one hell of a horse to take me around the course, a Shire horse might manage it, but I doubt it. Another is to win a Championship, it doesn't matter in what but I'd like to, just winning a trophy of some description will do now. Being an Olympian was another one, but I don't have the drive or commitment to those sports for that to happen, I can dream about it though, dream about what it feels like to walk into that stadium during the opening ceremony, I'm damn sure it would be emotional.

Odd as it sounds being given a bunch of flowers has been high on my ambitions list for a long while, its not something I've mentioned a lot, a few days ago it happened, a friend came to visit, she brought with her a nice bunch of Daffodils, they are now in my kitchen window, they smell beautiful and look extremely pretty. I'm experimenting with one of them on my memory wall, its pinned upside down, fingers crossed it should dry out and preserve itself fairly well.

One of the better things to happen was driving down to London a couple of times, to help with research on a book. The book is all about aircraft accidents that happened in Lincolnshire during World War Two. That entailed driving down to the National Archives in Kew, to look through old RAF Station records, very interesting reading. It opened my eyes to what those young men and women did for our country, compared to them, my own experiences are miniscule, very humbling.

Sometimes just going for a walk on the beach has brightened my days up no end, I live two minutes walk away if that, just having a bumble along, looking at what has been washed up, or watching the holiday makers enjoying the beach, its a different story in winter. On a cold January afternoon watching the waves during a storm brings home just how powerful the world is around us, the sea is grey, extremely rough and the beach is devoid of human life, its magnificent, it makes me feel good just to be alive.

Going for tea at a friends house, then just shooting the breeze afterwards, putting the world to rights over a coffee and a ciggy, the time flies so quickly, an hour turns into two, then three, then four, before I know it, its late and time to head home again, very relaxed, with a nice calm feeling and a full belly, my only bug bear with this is it doesn't happen enough, work commitments are a bitch, but that's life.

Its the simple things, the dog downstairs, called Max, strange dog, sometimes wants fusses most of the time he doesn't, sitting in my kitchen window watching the world go past, not so often now, but at one point it used to be every day, just sitting watching the cats struggling out an existence, watching them avoid each other, sometimes fighting, and once gang raping a female, 6 or 7 Toms to one female, it didn't seem fair to me, but it was interesting to watch. The birds! the feathered variety, lots of those kicking about, watching male Pigeons doing a mating dance only for the female to fly off, my heart went out to them, unlucky.

Some interesting goings on too, having to call the fire brigade twice for fires that have happened in the waste land between my castle and the beach, watching someone from the house next door hanging out her washing dressed in a onesie, her dog ran off, she chased it, the dog ran back, she came back after it, still running her boobs fell out the onesie! No reaction from me, just another day sat watching the world go past. The local kids building a den in the woods, one of my neighbours heading into the waste land to pick flowers, or drink from his secret stash of booze. The odd tent or two springing up in the wasteland, who are these people? where have they come from? where are they going? 

Going out for a beer or three, not often, drink is a depressant, so why make things worse? One memorable Halloween getting dressed down as death, white face, purple cloak, a bottle of Rum consumed just getting ready. A tootle off to Wellies, and watching a friend falling arse over tit down the stairs, not laughing at her, it is funny but I care about her so concern for her took over, she was drunk as a skunk and bounced those stairs like a rubber ball, falling in a heap at the bottom, completely unhurt. Catching a friends boyfriend talking on the phone to his other girlfriend, concern took hold, do I say anything, or don't I? Figuring that Kama would get him sooner rather than later, I keep stum, Kama got him a few weeks later. I love Kama, its either good or bad, it never chooses sides, treats everyone equally, its Ying and Yang. 

Off to the next watering hole, The Marine, its hot and sweaty, some good vibes going on, the ladies are delightful, but I'm an old man, I need to sit down in the cocktail bar for a while, Gin and Tonics start flowing my way, they depress the shit out of me, after three I'm nearly in tears, very close to going home, but whats at home? nothing. Stay out, change drinks, a couple of colas put me back on track, the depression goes away as quickly as it started. Over to the Watering Hole, reasonably quiet, time to have a  pint or three just sat outside chatting and smoking, LA next.

LA is nuts! Vodka and Coke is cheap and plentiful, everyone is in fancy dress, the music is loud, I do mean real LOUD!! and the place is heaving, its hot, its sweaty, my make up is running down my face, I'm dripping wet through and the Vodka is working a treat, its bloody brilliant, the animal inside of me is let loose. When the animal comes out, its like somebody else takes over, my stupid brain only records flashes, visiting the bar, for more Vodka, a woman with snakes in her hair, her friend, I recall her eyes, blue. A flaming red head dancing seductively, in a devils dress, I pick my spot, on some stairs with a clear view over everybody, all I see is heads, heads talking, laughing, drinking, angry heads, happy heads, just heads. I know whats coming next, its the animal taking over fully, the music gets louder, my vision starts to fade and nothing else gets recorded.

I woke up in my flat, still fully dressed, my legs in the kitchen, the rest of me in my hallway, I'm still fully dressed and still drunk, I try to stand up, but the world starts spinning and I just follow it, oblivion takes over again. Mid afternoon and the world comes back into focus, this time I can stand up, I know I'm not fit for anything, so I strip off, wash whats left of the crap on my face off, grab a glass of water and head off to bed, happy as a pig in shit.

Its 4:20 in the morning now and I'm feeling the pull of sleep, sweet dreams.